Friday Frivolity: Southwest Airlines, You Realize This Means War

Imagine an airline where the flight attendants were not only pleasant, they were actually funny and gifted. They would not so much make announcements as perform them. They would remind you to check your overhead bins for all your possessions and small children you may have left behind. They would tell you that if you chose to smoke, they would have to ask you to step outside “and it’s pretty cold out there.”

Imagine an airline that didn’t charge change fees, didn’t charge you for baggage, and just had a lovely, improvisational, non-institutional feel that was nothing like the major carriers. Best of all, imagine an airline that valued ALL of its customers EQUALLY. No classes, no differentially-priced seats. Simple rewards for frequent fliers, like getting to pick first among the (mostly identical) seats and free flights with points.

Wait! You don’t have to imagine that airline. It existed. It was called Southwest.

But something wasn’t working, I guess. There weren’t enough people like me who think, like Elaine Benes, that our goal should be a society without classes. Here is how Southwest now chooses to depict its loyal customers:

Having contempt for your loyal customers is not a good look. Assigned seats. Kiss my ass igned seat!

And guess what: this loyal customer will not be flying Southwest anymore. And the people who never flew Southwest also won’t fly Southwest. Why should they? Southwest might was well be United now. I suspect that Southwest is just setting itself up for a merger. May it come soon, before my happy memories of Southwest are completely displaced by the horror of its current form.