Radio Clips: Groucho on Alternative Defenses
October 1, 2007
Waldorf T. Flywheel: Any mail this morning?
Miss Dimple: Yes, there’s a letter from the typewriter company. They say you haven’t paid for the typewriter yet.
Flywheel: Why should I pay for the typewriter? You’re the only who uses it.
Dimple: But Mr. Flywheel, I —
Flywheel: Never mind, take a letter to those cheap chiselers. Ah . . . Gentlemen . . . I never ordered that typewriter . . . If I did, you didn’t send it . . . If you sent it, I never got it . . . If I got it, I paid for it . . . And if I didn’t, I won’t. Best regards.
“Flywheel Shyster & Flywheel”
Esso Five Star Theater, Feb. 13, 1933
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